Since I have been released from the hospital, I have enjoyed four outings. The first was the Saturday afternoon after my first follow-up. We went to Kroger and I got to drive an electric cart. It was exhilarating! I mean, who knew going grocery shopping would be so fun and would relive my feelings of being imprisoned! I posted my adventure on Facebook and learned the following:

  1. A friend thought I was racing old people instead of shopping
  2. WalMart has bigger, faster electric carts
  3. Another friend thought I was getting into mischief in my cart
  4. Target has “Power Carts”
  5. Another friend thought I was driving under the influence

Interesting to know what my friends think of me… 🙂

The second outing was to Olive Garden on a late Tuesday night as mentioned in The MIL post. This time I was in a wheel chair. The Hubs made several jokes in front of the OG employees referring to my mental status and that they should ignore my drooling. My indignant replies brought more laughter. Then, I attempted to go to the restroom on my own. All in all, it was pretty easy, except entering into the restroom. I understand that they want to prevent peepers or whatever, but do they really need to make the door that heavy? After finally figuring out how to get in, I was relieved to find the handicap stall unoccupied. I was able to maneuver easily into the stall, use the handrails, and leave the stall. Washing my hands was a little difficult as the sinks were a bit too high and I couldn’t scoot up to the sink because they had placed a trashcan under the sink in the empty space where my wheel chair could have fit. Interesting… However, I managed to complete the entire trip without help on the first try. In my humble opinion, I rock!

Our third outing was to my favorite Mexican restaurant on a Friday night. The Hubs thought the wheel chair would be more trouble than it’s worth because everything about this place is small. So, I trusted his instinct and went on crutches. Exhausting idea. He was right though, the wheel chair would have been too bulky. It’s amazing though how many people looked at me on my crutches and didn’t even scoot their chairs in to make it easier for me to get to our table and sit down. I wanted to lean in and go, “Pardon me, I have cancer. Excuse me; I have cancer. I’m sorry to be in your way, but I have cancer.”

While we were checking out, another party was leaving and I heard them talk about me while they were behind me.

“Poor thing,” said condescending voice number one.

“Oh look, you have a crutch buddy,” said condescending voice number two.

“Oh, no, she has two crutches, poor thing,” said condescending voice number three.

At that point I looked up from signing the credit card receipt to see this woman hobbling out on one crutch. I mean, what is the point of one crutch? “Get a cane, ya big baby!” I wanted to yell. Instead, I looked the hubs and laughed. What else can you do?

Sometimes I think it would be interesting to see people’s reaction if I wore an LED t-shirt that blinked, “Cancer Patient” on it. Of course, I know that many people would look at me like I was disgusting, and then I would want to scream, “It’s cancer! It’s not contagious, assholes!”

The fourth outing was to Scarlet’s bar. It’s amazing how nosy people are. I had several strangers as why I was on crutches. I’ve found the best explanation is the simplest one, “I have cancer.” No follow up needed. It generally makes people uncomfortable and turn away. The Hubs asked about this once. I think he thought I was being a pain in the ass on purpose. Well, that’s sort of true. You see, if you say, “I had surgery.” Then they say, “What for?” Then you still have to say, “I have cancer” and get the same uncomfortable look and then they turn away. I know how the conversation is going to end, I just choose to get to the end quickly. Other than the interjections of strangers, Scarlet’s bar was the best outing yet. I got to have some beer & pizza, be a little loud with my friends, and laugh. Who could ask for more?


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Van
    Feb 04, 2011 @ 16:12:24

    Canes, Crutches, Walkers, Wheel Chairs — I often say, “I just don’t want to step your toes.” That generally gets them to move.


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